First class travel for staff of expenses watchdog - Telegraph

First class travel for staff of expenses watchdog - Telegraph: "The parliamentary expenses watchdog which has outlawed first class rail travel for MPs has decided the ban should not apply to its own staff, the Daily Telegraph can disclose."

Good thing too. We can't have OffBlag (Quango for watching the blaggers) not do some blagging of their own.

Lord Blagger

Lying

Most people become stressed when lying, but new research shows that people with power feel just fine when lying — and are better at getting away with it.

read more

From looking round the peers around me, this research is spot on.

Lord Blagger.

PS. Nice move to sneak into the court via the back door to Southwark crown court.

Bank Regulation

One of my current research ideas for blagging some more cash in banking regulation.

Now we've just had a major banking crisis. Now if a bank goes bust, we can blame the bankers. However if most of the banks go bust, the common factor is the regulator.

However in the world of blaggers, the solution to this mess is more regulation. Absolutely brilliant blagging. Fail as a regulator, and the solution is more regulation.

It's Sarbanes-Oxely. This was introduced as a consequence of the failure of Enron and WorldCom, and Authur Anderson's accountancy practices. The result, was more auditing for a failure in auditing.

Hence the idea for getting involved in regulation. A Failure of regulation needs more regulation. More regulation means more cash.

It's almost as good as the situation before the banking regulation. Lots of cash as a regulator for no regulation.

No surprise that the current regulator is a Lord.

Lord Blagger

30th March 10.00 Southwark Crown Court

Please turn up and show your support. We can't have MPs or heaven forbid, members of the Lords in court. What is the world coming too where a blagger can't make cash from their expenses? After all, why would anyone every become an MP if not to try and emulate the 20 million a year Tony is making?

It's time to put a stop to all this nonsense.

Lord Blagger.

Gold Sales

Lord Blagger owes a great deal of thanks to Gordon Brown. Gordon's little weaze of selling off the UK's gold meant that Lord Blagger managed to get into a nice long position, all offshore in Switzerland, at a rather attractive price. It's been one of Lord Blagger's most succesful plays. Offshore, and all tax free to boot.

Thanks Gordon!

Lord Blagger

If only they had listened

Undercover journalists secretly tape conversations about fees with Adam Ingram and Richard Caborn

Two more former Labour ministers were dragged into the parliamentary lobbying scandal last night after being secretly taped offering to use their government contacts to help commercial clients, in return for fees of up to £2,500 a day.

read more

Yet again another set of basic errors.

1. They should have paid from some consultantcy on how to blag from an expert, yours truly.

2. They didn't check out whether or not they were journalists

3. They jumped the gun. Far better to hang back and let the other take the flack.

I think my consultancy fees are looking on the low side. Just like government debt, when the probability of it going wrong is high, the cost of borrowing goes up.

Lord Blagger

Climate Gate

Here is an example of another bit what will turn out to be a bit of sucessful consultantcy for Lord Blagger.


There has been a curious by-product of the attempts being made by the University of East Anglia to whitewash last November's embarrassing leak of documents from its Climatic Research Unit. Since it set up not one but two supposedly "independent" inquiries into the "Climategate" affair, climate sceptics were intrigued but not entirely surprised to find that almost all their members were committed, even fanatical advocates of global warming, and hence unlikely to be over-critical of the CRU's bizarre record.

read more

It's very simple. We can't afford to let the gravy train stop. Climate change is one of the biggest gravy trains going. Hence the most import part of any investigation. Only hold an inquiry when you know what the answer will be in advance. The best way of getting the correct answer is to stuff the committee with safe hands.

In this case, stuff it with people who are also on the blag.

This will keep Lord Blagger's investments ticking over nicely. There is nothing better than to have the government force everyone to pay a huge premium for Green energy. The other great little scam is carbon trading. Get given permits for free, shut the industry down (because its not green) and sell the permits a great profit. Lord Blagger's acquisition and merger's department has never had it so good.

Lord Blagger

MP's Expenses

Yet another little triumph for yours truly. The expenses mess in the Commons has started taking one or two lessons from how to run a succesful blagging operation from the old hands in the Lords.


House of Commons authorities were accused of a "cosy stitch up" last night after it emerged that full details of MPs' expenses claims will not be published until after the general election.

read more


Keeping them secret gives MPs a chance to avoid all the awkward questions over the election. If booted out, they can form part of the 2010 intake into the Lords. As fellow blaggers they will be welcome.

However, if it had come out early, there would be a huge fuss, the electorate would kick them out, and its then much more difficult to get them on the gravy train in the other place.

Lord Blagger

PS. If you think you're going to lose your seat, get in touch. I'm sure for a small expense (tax exempt), we can get you onto another form of income.

Jack Straw

Labour's election manifesto will include plans to replace the House of Lords with an elected second chamber, a minister confirmed yesterday.

Transport Secretary Lord Adonis said Justice Secretary Jack Straw will set out proposals 'very shortly'.

Mr Straw is understood to have been consulting Cabinet colleagues on the shake-up which would see the Lords become a wholly elected, 300-seat chamber.

Read more


A truely awful idea. We need to stop this. It's wrong on many levels.

1. It would be the end to the gravy train for lots of Lords.
2. How are all those peers who bought their peerages going to get their cash back?
3. I might have to refund some of my consultancy fees for getting peerages
4. Standing for election? I might stand the risk of not being elected.

It has to go.

Lord Blagger

Mandleson

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/blog/2010/mar/26/lord-mandelson-jack-straw-lords-reform-michael-white

I read in today's Guardian that Jack Straw's latest plans for a reformed and wholly-elected second chamber have been "derailed" by no less a track saboteur than Peter Mandelson. Oh good. That will teach them to rush into complex matters for short-term electoral gain.

A nice job Peter. Nice to see a fellow blagger has realised where his bread is buttered. Far easier to make the cash in Lords than on dodgy mortgage deals.

Perhaps not as good as the Brussel's gravy train. He did well there. All that time on a ministerial salary, and a very expensive pad in London as a result. All those holidays on Russian oligarch's boats too.

And the public pays for it too!. Mind you, its the end of the month. Now with the new rules about one day in the main home means I've got to go to the country pad. I must remember to keep the receipts for the transport first class, just to prove I've been there (or there abouts).

Lord Blagger

CCTV

It's time the government did something about CCTV. It's a disaster waiting to happen. I'm getting told off by the public that they hardly see me in the chamber. It's constantly empty when shown on TV. Not only that but people are noticing that Lords are having an afternoon snooze after that long lunch and bottle of red wine from the cellars. It's the standard medical advice nowadays. So its got to go.

After CCTV is for the plebs not for the likes of us.

Lord Blagger

Byers and co

They've been very naughty. They've been caught. Very silly because they were jumping the gun. If they had just waited until they were sitting on the benches next to yours truely, they couldn't have been caught. In the Lords we've managed to avoid implementing any of these annoying little rules. Rules are for little people like MPs. They are there to protect them from the consequences of the electorate finding out about the scams, and getting booted out by the electorate.

With no electorate to worry about, in the Lords we are above such considerations.

Lord Blagger.

Byers

It's time everyone signed the petition to remove Byers from the privy council.

Sign here

After all, we can't have the plebs from the commons saying that Lords might have been accepting money to change legislation.

Likewise I need to have a word with Lord Adonis. I mean, imagine saying the accusations haven't been substantiated.

They must be a lie, mustn't they?

A Lord would never admit to beating their wife or accepting cash to change legistlation

Lord Blagger.

Cash for the law.

Lord Blagger has been reading the Sunday papers. It seems some fellow troughers didn't take up on his offer of consultantcy on how to get away with it. They have fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the books. I made them an offer they couldn't refused. Pay me 5,000 pounds and I'll show them how to make lots of money safely from consultantcy deals with Lobby firms. After all when you have my little black book of all the naughty going ons in Lobby firms and newspapers, you're safe from things like this. All it took was a couple of phone calls from your's truly to a couple of journos, and bobs your uncle. They set up nice little scam as I suggest. Now they are bang to rights.

The best part of it all, is that I've up my consultancy fee for all the new clients, on the basis that they really need the advice to avoid the pit falls.